If you’re going to implement an automated phone system, at least make it funny

One of my biggest pet peeves is automated phone systems– especially for small businesses. You always get a too lengthy greeting “Hello, you have reached (name of business).” Then the very next line is always “Your call is very important to us.” I beg to differ.

If your call was very important, there would be an actual person answering it and not a machine. The most frustrating thing is when the system
asks you to dial the extension of the person you would like to speak to and then starts listing the directory names. Many times, you don’t know who you need to speak to.

However, I do understand the need for the system in large businesses, and if you are going to have one, make it funny.

If you are calling customer service department of a company and one of the options is to “hear a pirate read these options,” how could you not select it?

A recent call to Shutterfly, the online photo service that I use, gave me that option, and you better believe I selected it– just for fun, then listened again. The pirate voice goes through all the options beginning with an “Ahoy Matey” greeting.

Order status– “Is your order lost at sea?” Problems with an order you have received– “Have you recently lost a sword fight?”

Problems with uploading photos– “If cursed be your uploads…”

Problems finding special offers– “If you can’t find the buried treasure of special offers…” General questions– “If you feel you have been sacked or are walking the plank…”

The conversation ends with “If you are too rumsoaked to pick an option, stay on the line…” It’s even funnier in a pirate voice.

Almost as annoying, but not quite, since you can nip it in the bud, is the recorded phone message. I can honestly say, I have never listened to a
single one in its entirety, because as soon as I detect a recording, I hang up.

Whether it’s a politician, someone from Labor Law about a poster, or even someone from Southern Miss or Ole Miss soliciting funds, I don’t hear more than the first sentence.

If you want someone to feel important, needed and worthy, get a real person to make the call.

My sister Deanna and her three children were here from Tuscaloosa for the weekend which always makes for a good time. Addi Claire doesn’t
understand why it takes them so long to get here so she waited, rather impatiently Friday night, for their arrival.

We all got to spend a lot of time together. Saturday niece Samantha went with Addi Claire, Joel and me to see the Tim Lepard and the Ghost Rider Team Show. Joel and I are partial to Border Collies, and are still grieving over the loss of ours last month. King would have been 15 this summer.

Although the monkey and Bordie Collie part of the show didn’t last long, it was awesome. Seeing the monkeys dressed in their cowboy garb, in saddled-up Border Collies, chasing sheep, well, you just have to see it for your self.

After the show, Lepard brought around three dogs and a couple of monkeys for the children to see up close and have their picture made with.

Addi Claire couldn’t wait, until it got to be her turn. It wasn’t the dog that bothered her, but the tiny monkey. She was a little nervous about touching the monkey during photo making, but Samantha and I were not. And once Addi Claire saw that it was okay, she jumped right in with
us.